Posted in Experiences, Thoughts, Uncategorized

No longer a slave!

Photo by me

If you know me, you probably think I don’t care what people think. A lie I have managed to sell for a long time. You see, I do care, more than I would want to, especially when I want that person to like me. My latest circumspection has been over my dressing.

I would describe my dressing as neither conservative nor provocative. It is simply dressing. I like style. I like looking good. And if that means donning that gorgeous black dress that is a little above the knee or that fancy top that shows a little bit of my back, then so be it.

Photo by me

Recently, I made some conservative friends. The kind that put on only long skirts and dresses. Since I wanted them to like me, I started worrying about the length of my dresses and skirts. I was worried that they think I am not conservative and decent enough. As a result, I made a habit of seeing them only and only when I was dressed ‘conservative enough’. On top of that, I made a couple of purchases of dresses that are past the knee long.

The tango between the desire to change my mode of dressing, which in my mind equaled being liked by my conservative friends and the desire to maintain my normal dressing, which equals being myself, started taking a toll on me. I would wake up, choose something to wear and change about 4 times because so and so would not approve of it. And if it happened that I was in my normal outfits, I would do absolutely everything to avoid them. This has been going on for a while.

Yesterday, I was reading an article (There is no formula to keep your family from sin-https://kindredgrace.com/no-formula-to-keep-from-sin/ ) on a Christian blog called Kindred Grace that completely opened my eyes. It dawned on me that what I was doing was idolatry because I was putting what I thought my conservative friends would think above my Savior Jesus Christ.

I learnt that Jesus is my identity. His dying on the cross set me free from death, sin and slavery (and I am counting being too concerned about what people think as slavery). Going back to what he set me free from is a disregard to the cross that set me free 2000 years ago.

In the light of this and the fact that salvation is not an outward sign but an inward personal relationship with my God, I decided I would not change on anyone’s account. I embrace my imperfections and acknowledge that I am a work in progress in the hands of the author and finisher of my faith; The great I AM!

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Posted in Day to Day life, Inspirational, New Beginnings, Thoughts, Uncategorized

All I have to think about is the next step….while walking.

I am a planner. Not just in the sense of planning for my next meal or break. I am literally a planner since I have been training as an Economic planner. As a planner, we do projections for up to the end of the century, plan for 1, 5, 10, 22 years from now. In short, we worry for everybody. We like getting ahead of time.

It is not surprising that I carry this same quality to my life by worrying a lot. I worry about what I will put on tomorrow at work, on Saturday when going out, on Sunday at church, what I will eat for dinner or breakfast tomorrow, what I will be doing 5 years from now. What about 30 years from now? I worry about everything and I tell you, it is exhausting. Both mentally and physically.

Today, while I was walking to work, I was worrying about the town service I will board or I think the amount of airtime I had on my phone, what I would tell so and so…..well it was about a lot of things. As usual, I was exhausting my brain even before getting to work. I started watching my steps, how I was putting one foot forward at a time. I challenged myself to just focus on my next step and nothing else. I did exactly that for the next two minutes. I felt the tension on my muscles subsiding, my shoulders relaxing, my mind freed, a smile on my face. I felt so good.

It is then that I made up my mind to adopt “crossing that bridge when I get there” type of mindset.

After all, Jesus asked His disciples in Mattew 6:27

Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

Posted in Thoughts, Uncategorized

As faithful as a dog…

Today, I saw this dog lying by her dead pup. At first I thought the pup was sleeping but when I took a closer look, I saw blood and I immediately knew he was dead. Probably run over by a car or a motorcycle.

The mother was mourning and paying her respects. It was such a heart wrenching scene.

PS.. I am sorry I have been away for too long. I have been having crazy writer’s block. I guess you ain’t a writer if you havent suffered from it😁😁.

Posted in Thoughts, Uncategorized

There is no honor in violence

I hate violence. Violence against women, against children, against human beings and against animals( those who load 400 litres of water on a cart pulled by one donkey and then lash the donkey to move faster all the way to their destination, you are pure evil).
What I witnessed on Sunday irked me to my bones. I saw two guys walking and entering a building which I believe is what we call a video show. A minute later, the guy who was at the front, who is built and strong, threw out the one who was at the back who is not built at all and appeared a little drunk.
The built guy then kicked him and stepped on his neck while the victim was just lying there, not trying to fight back and kept on saying “Go on, step on me, I have contributed a lot to this business.” And shamelessly, he kept on pummelling him while throwing victorious glances at me, probably thinking “oh she is so impressed by me now, seeing how I am totally winning this”. Well, screw you dude! I couldn’t be less impressed. Two or three more guys walked out of the building and pulled the victim to his feet and the built guy started slapping him on the face while again, the victim responded with” I have contributed a lot to this business”.
What angered me the most is that the guys weren’t even trying to help him. Nobody tried to prevent the bully from hitting him. And I just stood there, feeling very bad but unable to do anything cause I might have ended up being his next victim which wouldn’t have helped.
I disrespect violent people. Most of all, I disrespect those who fight against the weak. Those who fight against people who have no chance of winning against them. It is no fair fight. It is bullying. And moreover, there is neither honor nor glory in winning a fight against someone who had no chance of defeating you to begin with.
If you are one of these people, get yourself some class.

Posted in Thoughts, Uncategorized

Happy Father’s day to single mothers all around the world.

I was raised by a single mother so I know nothing about having a father. Not even one who shows up once in a while on my birthday with a gift wrapped shoddily, but shows up all the same and with a gift! No! However, I know quite a lot about having the best mother (God bless her soul). A mother who was both a mother and a father. A mother who made sure we were well fed, clothed (she had a great sense of style) , sheltered, had good education, gave moral and emotional support and the best of everything. Yeah, that was my mommy. She was my mother, father and the best.
When I was a child, I used to make up stories about my father to my peers. I would tell them how he has done this and that, bought me this and that so that I would fit in. As I grew up, I started realizing how unfair that was to my mom. I mean she was there, working hard, being the provider, making sacrifices and all and I was busy dishing out the credit to someone who wasn’t there. I was being stupid and very unfair to her so I stopped it.
It is her and women like her that I am celebrating today. Women who are raising their kids on their own. Women who are both mothers and fathers. Women who are working really hard and making sacrifices so that their kids have the best of everything. Who look at their kids with pride when they are at their best, hold their hands at their worst and pick them up when they fall. Women who are doing their best to make sure their kids don’t feel the gap their fathers left. Those are the women I am celebrating today.
Keep on making the world a better place for your children. Your work, sacrifices, efforts won’t go unrewarded.

We love you! We are so proud of you! We celebrate you!
Happy Father’s day!

Posted in Poems, poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Asylum

I was just going to lie
For a little while

It was too far a cry
And a thousand whys

The lie
The while
The cry
The whys

It was a baptism of fire
A fire in baptism

A lover in a narcissist

A saint in a sinner
A sinner in a saint

A lost soul seeking asylum.

Posted in Day to Day life, Experiences, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Little Richie

My neighbor’s boy Richie, quite an interesting, playful and full of life little fellow he is. He is always running around, screaming with laughter. Boy, he has a hearty laughter and a beautiful toothless smile that is akin to children his age. He is just so adorable.
Yesterday evening, we met while he was going to the shops with his nanny. After several hi-5s and our usual laughter filled chit-chat , just from nowhere, he asked me “uko na katoto?” Translated to English, “Do you have a small baby?” It was a simple yes or no question that caught me completely off guard.
I don’t know what prompted him to ask me that question, but whatever it is, that innocent yet curious look on his face while asking it made my day.