Posted in Day to Day life, Thoughts, Women

Women!! We gotta stop sabotaging us!

Three-Girls-Whispering-Medium
Photo uploaded from google

I am not a big fan of the Swahili proverb “lisemwalo lipo, kama halipo laja” translated to “Whatever is being said is true and if it is not yet true it’s about to be true,” especially when it comes to rumors. But unfortunately, that makes me just one among the minority of the population. Even more so women.

 A lady friend told me that someone bad mouthing a girl and spreading malicious rumors about her is either a man who can’t have her or a girl who can’t be her. Which I fully agree with.

 What is even sadder is that no matter who started the rumors, whether it’s from the mouth of a boy who can’t have her or a girl who can’t be her, it’s always us girls who do the spreading. And we say it with so much conviction that anybody around us, even the victim herself might start believing it.

 We rarely stop to think what if I was her? How would I feel if this was going around about me? What if she was my sister? What if she was my mother? What if she was my daughter? Would I want this to go around about her? How would I feel?

 Words are powerful. It takes someone who has been a victim of malicious rumors to know just how powerful and destructive they are. And it takes a really strong person to rise above them. Therefore, the next time you open your mouth to bad mouth someone, stop and think!

Let us stop giving meaning to the common misconception that women are their own worst enemies!

 

 

Advertisements
Posted in Girls, Thoughts, Women

My favorite songs about women reclaiming their power in relationships

Photo uploaded from google

I love listening to music. I do so when I am washing utensils, doing my laundry or sometimes, passively when I am writing. Whenever I am actively listening to a song, I listen to every word in it, try to find the poetry in it, the meaning behind; every word, intonation, sigh etc. Yesterday, I was listening to one of the songs that I haven’t listened to in a long while. A song that reminded me of how we women tend to lose our power in relationships.
As women, when we love a guy so much, we tend to let them walk all over us. It always starts with us letting them have their way in small things like choosing when to meet, a restaurant to go to, a date spot and before we know it, we don’t have any more power to lose.
In light of this reminder, I dug through my old playlist and came up with the following songs about women taking control in relationships.

Don’t let it go to your head by Jordin sparks

I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it which was some years back and then I forgot about it until yesterday when I stumbled on it.
Jordin is basically telling her love interest that as much as she has all these feelings towards him that she can’t control, she is still in control of what she does with them and he should therefore not let it go to his head.

Just cause I can’t go on

Just cause I die when you are gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don’t let it go to your head

Selfish by Asia cruise

You ever come across those guys who are just never wrong and have this cunning way of making everything your fault? Well, Asia here is singing about such a guy. According to her, the solution is leaving him.

Can’t stay another day when you’re always

Getting your way, you just keep getting your way

You just keep getting your way, you are selfish

So I decided not to get in your way

It’s time to do it my way

And that means getting away from you

You are selfish!

I conquer with her cause, such guys, however the number of chances you give them, they just don’t change leaving you with one option, leaving.

Irreplaceable by Beyoncé

When it comes to songs about girl power, our girl Beyoncé has never disappointed. From ‘survivor’ while she was still in Destiny’s Child to ‘who runs the world’ and we love her for that.
When I first heard this song , I never paid much attention to it, but when I finally did, I loved it. As much as my moral upbringing doesn’t allow me to agree with her telling her boyfriend, though a cheater, to return all the things she bought for him, I agree with her telling him that he is not irreplaceable.You must not know about me

You must not know about me

I could have another you by tomorrow

So don’t ever for a second get to thinking

You are irreplaceable

The songs above and many more, sang by women, remind us to reclaim our power in relationships and it is never too late for that. So if you are a woman in such a relationship, your power is yours for the taking.

Posted in Girls, Height, Women

Tall Girls’ Problems

Photo by me

Being tall is good. Strike that! Is great! From rocking long legs in the little black dress and looking absolutely stunning in a maxi dress to ‘long legs advantage’ when running for dear life during campus police party raids. From not struggling to reach for peanut butter (or anything in that case) from the top shelf to not struggling to get attention (whether you want it or not)… just like our legs, the list is very long. But like a coin, any coin, you flip it and you are presented with the other side; the not so glamorous side.

People thinking you are older than you actually are
This is especially true in my village where most people (especially the older generation) equate age with height. Back in class four, my grade teacher asked me how old I was and when I said I was 8 years (and turning nine in two months’ time which is the average age of students in class 4 here in Kenya), he did not believe me and pointedly told the class that I must be 12 years because I was taller than everybody. I have never been so hurt.

Those weird looks that you get when you run
I don’t know if I am the only one who experiences this or gets bothered by it, but whenever I run, I get these weird looks from people as if they have watched ,my huge steps swallow something or maybe heard the ground’s cry for help. I could never tell which is the why.

Acting cute just doesn’t work for us
Short girls are cute when they act cute (and sometimes even when they aren’t trying to), but for us, it mostly ends up being a cry for help. I once tried acting cute in front of some of my male friends, and they were like, what’s up with your face? Well, that put an end to this girl ever acting cute

The constant reminder of how getting a boyfriend is like trying to win a lottery
Personally, this is the most annoying one. Sometime back, I was taking a walk with my friend and most of the guys we met were commending my height (of course they were a mixture of mockeries and genuine comments). Anyway, my friend was like;
Friend X: I really love your height Shah
Me: 😁😊😊😊🙌
Friend X: But the thing is finding a boyfriend is some task
Me:🤦😒😢😢
As if I didn’t already know. The worst part is that she is 5’5 dating a 6’1 guy. So unfair 😢

Your single step is 3 times your friends
However much we try taking tiny steps, it just doesn’t work for us. There was this one time I was walking in the hallway of my faculty building and I overheard one of the guys who were walking in the opposite direction discussing how huge my steps are and laughing about it. Guys, I just can’t help it 🤷.

Group Photos
No matter where you stand in a group photo with your short friends, you are gonna look out of place. You stand on one end, it is gonna look like an alien . If you stand in the middle, well it’s gonna look like you are going to crash them all and if you stand at the back, you gonna look like you post your way to the photo. And all these with the constant risk of ending up with no forehead.
A solo photo happens to be the best option here, but if it happen to be taken by your short sister , you my friend, might end up with an unproportioned head-body ratio.

As much as the list of challenges is not that long albeit a little discouraging, don’t fear to rock them huge steps.
Cheers to long legs and a life of being asked to reach for peanut butter or whatever else from the top shelf!

Posted in Feminism, Women

The Pains of the African Woman.

african women

Being an African myself, born and bred in Africa, I can say that I have had the displeasure of witnessing/seeing firsthand what the African culture/society has done to its woman.

Sure, I happened to be lucky enough to have a mother who made sure I know that my place isn’t the kitchen, that I can do anything and be anything I set my heart to, but that is not the case for every girl. The average African girl is brought up with the mentality that she is inferior to her brothers both young and old.

She has to serve her brothers as her masters. She has to serve them food and water even if they walk in when she is in the middle of her meal, and when they need a refill, she has to ‘pause’ eating and refill their plates. She doesn’t have a ‘name’ until she gets married and gets her husband’s name thus making marriage her biggest dream and highest achievement. Therefore, she learns how to be a ‘good wife’ from as early as she can walk; she learns to cook, fetch firewood, balance a pot full of water on her head cause, these are the qualities the man’s family will look at when the time for marriage comes.

If she falls pregnant while still in school or before marriage, she gets ostracized by everybody around her, while the boy, who made the same mistake as her, is treated with some sort of reverence because he has proved that he is a ‘man’.

When she gets married, she becomes her husband’s property. She is expected to just be seen but not to be heard. She can’t make any decision regarding the children, the family or even herself except what they are going to have for breakfast, lunch and supper. If the husband turns out to be violent, she is expected to receive every beating graciously because, well, there is no better show of ‘affection’ than a beating from your husband.

If the husband starts cheating and going around with other women, she is expected to stay put since men are not meant to be monogamous and after all, it’s her job to keep ‘her house’ together. If she keeps on complaining then she is told that she is the problem; she must be doing something wrong, otherwise, the man wouldn’t be looking at other women.

In the cases where the husband abandons her and the children, raises her children but at the end of it all, it’s said that the children belong to the man. If one or a couple of them end up ‘not doing so well in life’, then those are hers cause its assumed that they must have got it from her or she simply didn’t raise them well.

Video clips of cats drowning while trying to rescue their kittens, or dogs getting hit by a car or pleading faces of street kids begging for food are as sad as hell, but there’s nothing as heartbreaking as watching an African woman going through all this and so much more with a brave smile on her face.