Posted in Girls, Thoughts, Women

My favorite songs about women reclaiming their power in relationships

Photo uploaded from google

I love listening to music. I do so when I am washing utensils, doing my laundry or sometimes, passively when I am writing. Whenever I am actively listening to a song, I listen to every word in it, try to find the poetry in it, the meaning behind; every word, intonation, sigh etc. Yesterday, I was listening to one of the songs that I haven’t listened to in a long while. A song that reminded me of how we women tend to lose our power in relationships.
As women, when we love a guy so much, we tend to let them walk all over us. It always starts with us letting them have their way in small things like choosing when to meet, a restaurant to go to, a date spot and before we know it, we don’t have any more power to lose.
In light of this reminder, I dug through my old playlist and came up with the following songs about women taking control in relationships.

Don’t let it go to your head by Jordin sparks

I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it which was some years back and then I forgot about it until yesterday when I stumbled on it.
Jordin is basically telling her love interest that as much as she has all these feelings towards him that she can’t control, she is still in control of what she does with them and he should therefore not let it go to his head.

Just cause I can’t go on

Just cause I die when you are gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don’t let it go to your head

Selfish by Asia cruise

You ever come across those guys who are just never wrong and have this cunning way of making everything your fault? Well, Asia here is singing about such a guy. According to her, the solution is leaving him.

Can’t stay another day when you’re always

Getting your way, you just keep getting your way

You just keep getting your way, you are selfish

So I decided not to get in your way

It’s time to do it my way

And that means getting away from you

You are selfish!

I conquer with her cause, such guys, however the number of chances you give them, they just don’t change leaving you with one option, leaving.

Irreplaceable by Beyoncé

When it comes to songs about girl power, our girl Beyoncé has never disappointed. From ‘survivor’ while she was still in Destiny’s Child to ‘who runs the world’ and we love her for that.
When I first heard this song , I never paid much attention to it, but when I finally did, I loved it. As much as my moral upbringing doesn’t allow me to agree with her telling her boyfriend, though a cheater, to return all the things she bought for him, I agree with her telling him that he is not irreplaceable.You must not know about me

You must not know about me

I could have another you by tomorrow

So don’t ever for a second get to thinking

You are irreplaceable

The songs above and many more, sang by women, remind us to reclaim our power in relationships and it is never too late for that. So if you are a woman in such a relationship, your power is yours for the taking.

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Posted in Feminism

The Bible and the Strength of a Woman

Queen-Esther-Kids-Bible-Lesson-from-the-Top-100-Sunday-School-Lessons-for-Kids-Sharefaith.com_-1024x576

My friend and I were discussing my previous article ‘The Pains of the African woman’ and were all sad about how women around us thought that they neither have a choice nor a voice. He pointed out that the cause of all this is the bible since it is the most popular and yet chauvinistic book in the universe.

This got me thinking about the feministic themed mentorship program I ran awhile back. The girls and I looked at the women of substance-the women who made a difference in society both in history (biblical and non-biblical) and contemporary society.

These are just but a few of the names that came up from the Bible;

Esther (Esther 2)

Esther was the one who replaced Queen Vashti as wife of King Xerxes/Ahasuerus of Persia after she disobeyed the King. After learning that Haman, the King’s advisor had asked the King to authorize a royal decree to annihilate the Jews (her people) who had been driven out of Israel and exiled in Persia, she came up with a brave plan to stop it from happening.

Being the Queen, and after fasting for  three days to seek for God’s grace and favor, she asked the King and Haman to dine with her twice and on the second time, she who had hidden her faith from the King, revealed her secret and begged the King to spare her and her people’s (the Jews) lives.

Rahab (Joshua 2)

Though an Amorite, Rahab recognized the Jewish men who were sent by Joshua to scout Jericho as men of God and hid them from the king of Jericho. Furthermore, she understood that God had given the Israelite the Amorites’ land and was key instrument to the Israelites successful claim of the land.

The wise woman of Tekoah (2nd Samuel 14)

After killing his brother Amnon, David banished his son Absalom. This resulted to Joab seeking the help of the wise woman of Tekoah to convince David to lift the banishment and reconcile with his son.

The woman went to David crying and recalled how one of his sons killed his brother and the rest of her family were seeking his head. When David said that the son should be spared, she said so should Absalom. Therefore David lifted the banishment and Absalom returned home.

Abigail (1st Samuel 25)

She was the wife of Nabal from the house of Caleb. She is described as a woman of good understanding and beautiful countenance. And true to that, those are the qualities that saved her husband Nabal from death by the King’s hand for disregarding and insulting King David and saved David from blood-shed.

She placated him, reminded him that God will establish his dynasty and urged him not to have staggering burden of needless bloodshed on his conscience.

In conclusion, there is no book that has explicitly shown just how both intelligent and powerful a woman is like the Bible. So people, other than respect, I may not fully understand what else the Bible meant by ‘wives, submit to your husbands’ but one thing I know for sure is it doesn’t mean women should let their husbands oppress and suppress them.

Hit the comments box below for discussion.

 

Posted in Feminism, Women

The Pains of the African Woman.

african women

Being an African myself, born and bred in Africa, I can say that I have had the displeasure of witnessing/seeing firsthand what the African culture/society has done to its woman.

Sure, I happened to be lucky enough to have a mother who made sure I know that my place isn’t the kitchen, that I can do anything and be anything I set my heart to, but that is not the case for every girl. The average African girl is brought up with the mentality that she is inferior to her brothers both young and old.

She has to serve her brothers as her masters. She has to serve them food and water even if they walk in when she is in the middle of her meal, and when they need a refill, she has to ‘pause’ eating and refill their plates. She doesn’t have a ‘name’ until she gets married and gets her husband’s name thus making marriage her biggest dream and highest achievement. Therefore, she learns how to be a ‘good wife’ from as early as she can walk; she learns to cook, fetch firewood, balance a pot full of water on her head cause, these are the qualities the man’s family will look at when the time for marriage comes.

If she falls pregnant while still in school or before marriage, she gets ostracized by everybody around her, while the boy, who made the same mistake as her, is treated with some sort of reverence because he has proved that he is a ‘man’.

When she gets married, she becomes her husband’s property. She is expected to just be seen but not to be heard. She can’t make any decision regarding the children, the family or even herself except what they are going to have for breakfast, lunch and supper. If the husband turns out to be violent, she is expected to receive every beating graciously because, well, there is no better show of ‘affection’ than a beating from your husband.

If the husband starts cheating and going around with other women, she is expected to stay put since men are not meant to be monogamous and after all, it’s her job to keep ‘her house’ together. If she keeps on complaining then she is told that she is the problem; she must be doing something wrong, otherwise, the man wouldn’t be looking at other women.

In the cases where the husband abandons her and the children, raises her children but at the end of it all, it’s said that the children belong to the man. If one or a couple of them end up ‘not doing so well in life’, then those are hers cause its assumed that they must have got it from her or she simply didn’t raise them well.

Video clips of cats drowning while trying to rescue their kittens, or dogs getting hit by a car or pleading faces of street kids begging for food are as sad as hell, but there’s nothing as heartbreaking as watching an African woman going through all this and so much more with a brave smile on her face.