No longer a slave!

Photo by me

If you know me, you probably think I don’t care what people think. A lie I have managed to sell for a long time. You see, I do care, more than I would want to, especially when I want that person to like me. My latest circumspection has been over my dressing.

I would describe my dressing as neither conservative nor provocative. It is simply dressing. I like style. I like looking good. And if that means donning that gorgeous black dress that is a little above the knee or that fancy top that shows a little bit of my back, then so be it.

Photo by me

Recently, I made some conservative friends. The kind that put on only long skirts and dresses. Since I wanted them to like me, I started worrying about the length of my dresses and skirts. I was worried that they think I am not conservative and decent enough. As a result, I made a habit of seeing them only and only when I was dressed ‘conservative enough’. On top of that, I made a couple of purchases of dresses that are past the knee long.

The tango between the desire to change my mode of dressing, which in my mind equaled being liked by my conservative friends and the desire to maintain my normal dressing, which equals being myself, started taking a toll on me. I would wake up, choose something to wear and change about 4 times because so and so would not approve of it. And if it happened that I was in my normal outfits, I would do absolutely everything to avoid them. This has been going on for a while.

Yesterday, I was reading an article (There is no formula to keep your family from sin-https://kindredgrace.com/no-formula-to-keep-from-sin/ ) on a Christian blog called Kindred Grace that completely opened my eyes. It dawned on me that what I was doing was idolatry because I was putting what I thought my conservative friends would think above my Savior Jesus Christ.

I learnt that Jesus is my identity. His dying on the cross set me free from death, sin and slavery (and I am counting being too concerned about what people think as slavery). Going back to what he set me free from is a disregard to the cross that set me free 2000 years ago.

In the light of this and the fact that salvation is not an outward sign but an inward personal relationship with my God, I decided I would not change on anyone’s account. I embrace my imperfections and acknowledge that I am a work in progress in the hands of the author and finisher of my faith; The great I AM!

Who Murdered Mr. Frog?

Photo uploaded from google

My little brother and I have always been partners in crime. I still remember the morning mommy brought him from the hospital, after his birth. Mommy sat by the dining table and told me to sit down so that I could hold him. I took one look at him and decided I wanted nothing to do with him because I couldn’t believe anyone could be that tiny. I don’t remember what happened that brought us close, all I know is that one day, we were inseparable and it has been so since then.

When I was 12, he was 8 then, we developed an unquenchable interest in frogs anatomy. I can’t tell whether it was because of Nat Geo or the big McGraw-Hill anatomy books we had at home. Anyway, after our own amateur research, we decided we were going to operate on a frog.

The day of the crime was a hot Sunday afternoon. You know how lazy people get on Sundays afternoon, after church and a heavy lunch. So it was the perfect day as mommy wouldn’t be paying that much attention to us.

After making sure mommy was doing her habitual Sunday afternoon reading , we set out to look for a frog. It did not take us long to identify our victim, a male frog hopping by probably looking for food or going back to his family. We kidnapped him and ran to the front of our house which was our rendezvous crime scene. I sneaked in to the house and stole the sewing kit. We had just cut his tummy open when we heard mommy’s footsteps. We quickly gathered our incriminating evidence and ran to the clearing on the left side of the house.

“Shah… Phil… Is that you?”
“Yes mommy.”
“What are you up to?”
“Mhhh…. Just kicking a ball around.”
“Okay then, don’t play any rough games.”

The two minutes exposure of the frog’s lungs caused it to inflate. All we wanted to do was cut it open and sew it back up, you know, like people do on TV and the pictures in the books. We did not want him to die on us.

“Hold it down by his limbs to keep him still while I sew him up, okay?
“Okay.”

I frantically started sewing him from the neck down but the lung just kept ballooning. We were now desperate to keep him alive.

“Why don’t you tuck the lung in?”
“He will die.”
“Then puncture it a little to release some air.”
“Don’t you get it? That will kill him.”

After one more failed attempt of sewing him up, I threw the needle down.

“I guess he is going to die anyway. Let us release him so he can spend his last few minutes in freedom.”

We released Mr. Frog and for a moment, sadly watched him limp away before gathering our stolen kit and headed back to the house.

We had planted maize on the shamba at the back of the house and mommy had a habit of checking it every morning before settling for her tea. The next morning, as usual, mommy went to check on her maize. We had just started on our breakfast when she came back.

“I have just seen the most ghastly sight  on the left side of the house,”

She liked pausing for dramatic effect whenever she was telling a story.

“This frog was lying dead on his back with his tummy open and what looks like a burst lung.”

Our appetite for mommy’s delicious pancakes was gone just like that.

Little Richie

My neighbor’s boy Richie, quite an interesting, playful and full of life little fellow he is. He is always running around, screaming with laughter. Boy, he has a hearty laughter and a beautiful toothless smile that is akin to children his age. He is just so adorable.
Yesterday evening, we met while he was going to the shops with his nanny. After several hi-5s and our usual laughter filled chit-chat , just from nowhere, he asked me “uko na katoto?” Translated to English, “Do you have a small baby?” It was a simple yes or no question that caught me completely off guard.
I don’t know what prompted him to ask me that question, but whatever it is, that innocent yet curious look on his face while asking it made my day.

Lessons from a ‘freshman’ in the ‘real world’ part 2

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As in told you in the article -Lessons from a ‘freshman’ in the ‘real world’, I recently left the sheltered life I have lived since I remember and I am trying to navigate my way in the world. Men there is a loot I didn’t know. I can’t seem to get over the shock of how much I have learnt and still have to learn

Some of the lessons I have recently picked up are :

You know nothing

The real world is not your school. It is not your home. It is not any of your comfort zones. It is the real world. A world which, if you have lived a sheltered life like most of us, you know nothing.
Therefore, you know that know-it-all attitude we fresh graduates tend to carry around? Yeah, that one. Drop it! Be eager, be ready, and be determined, to learn from the veterans. That is the only way you can find your way out here.

“Art of learning how to make decisions is learning how to live with the poor ones.”

Learn to stand up for yourself

Do you know who the world swallows up alive? People who don’t have the spine to stand up for themselves and their beliefs. It is important for you to stand up for you. You want something, say it! You don’t like something, say it! You have something to say, say! It is that simple and difficult.
The catch is in knowing when to be forthright and when to be smart. Because, as much as being forthright exudes confidence it doesn’t always help your course. To succeed or rather help your course, you will have to come up with creative, smart, non-forthright but totally legal ways of standing up for yourself.
I have to wish you the BEST of luck in this cause you are gonna need it.

It is totally okay not to get it right in the beginning.

It is probably when you join the work force and you don’t get the results you expected. Or maybe it is a decision or a choice you have to make. It could be a number of things that make you beat yourself up for not getting them right.
Well, stop with the self-inflicted pressure because it is all part of the process. The learning and growing process. The best you can do is enjoy the process and take whatever you can from it.
Someone wise said “art of learning how to make decisions is learning how to live with the poor ones.”

Learn the gamblers song by heart, and you will just be alright.

You have to swallow it!

Your pride, I mean.
There will be instances when you are forced to apologize for crimes you didn’t commit, things which you did that are perceived as wrong but aren’t actually wrong. In the work place you are going to be treated as KYM- kazi ya mkono which is absolutely wrong.
In short you are going to have to put up with a lot of BS. And I know, it is unfair. It is decharectarising. It goes against you principles. But if you play your cards right, it will work to your advantage.
I know it contradicts the second point, but then again, that is just how tricky the world is.

Silicon Valley is pretty awesome!

I had to get this out there one way or another😜. For tech lovers who love a good laugh like me, this is the TV show for you. You are going to be holding your sides from season 1 through 5.
Anyway, back to why I mentioned it. This show is quite educative. It will teach you a lot about how the world runs and how to successfully navigate your way in it. You will love how our Richie grows from a naïve genius to a mastermind who beats Gavin Belson at his own game.
Enjoy watching it, but DON’T emulate the language though!

As you can see, nothing is in black and white. All I can do is give you one piece of advice; learn the gamblers song by heart, and you will just be alright!\

All the BEST!

Having a Good Heart is not so Futile After All!

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Good people are mostly treated like door mats. It is not how we want the world to be, it is just how the world is. You have a good heart. You have a conscience that actually works, and boom, all around you, everywhere you go, people do or want to take advantage of you. Your family, relatives, friends (or not) colleagues, fellow church members….the list is endless.

The worst part is that you get nothing tangible. On the contrary, you seem to lose. People see you as weak and that is frustrating. Very frustrating. Christina Hendricks in the TV series Good Girls said “all the fairy tales we were told as young girls, the morals were; if you are good, you don’t cheat, you don’t lie, good things will happen to you, if you are bad, you get punished. What if the people who made all that up are the bad guys? What if the bad guys made all that up so that the good people never get anything good?”

That’s something that touches a nerve. Something that when you hear, read or simply independently think about, you become tired of acting in accordance with your conscience. Or even just having one.

You look around you, there are evil people who have succeeded, gotten away with murder (both literally and figuratively), won and still winning, giving life to the maxim “some rise by sin…” Then you hunger for that. For the sweet feeling of winning. The thrill of victory. It all becomes so tempting that you consider going rogue. And nobody blames you for that. It is only human.

Each good person gone rogue, is a step back in the process of the world becoming a better place.

But look in to your heart again. What do you want most? You want the world to be a better place, right? For yourself and for everybody else. And you know what going rogue does? It keeps that from happening because each good person gone rogue is a setback. It is a step back in the process of the world becoming a better place.

So how do we do that? How do we make the world a better place? Definitely not by changing the evil people because that is not up to you. In fact it is humanely impossible. It is by doing what we do best: kindness!
There is no being kind to a good person or an evil person. There is just being kind. You know, not choosing who to be kind to, but at the same time, not allowing people to walk all over us.

Let’s make the world a better place one touched life at a time!

Each act of kindness touches a life. Of course, we can’t ignore the fact that sometimes, our kindness may be directed towards people who don’t appreciate, but let us concentrate more on the fact that the same kindness may be directed towards someone who will appreciate it. Whose life will be touched by it. And each touched life is a step towards making the world a better place.

Therefore, ( I don’t like using this word, but still..) screw the evil people. Screw their ill, crooked and selfish ways. Screw them all! Maintain that golden heart of yours. Stay kind! Stay good!

Let’s make the world a better place one touched life at a time!

Lessons from a ‘freshman’ in the Real World

On December of last year, I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Economics and Sociology which means I have spent a better part of my life as a student and as we know, one thing being a student does is sheltering you from the real world through agents like teachers, lecturers, non-teaching staff and on the very top of the list, your parents.
Then you graduate from college and where you go from there becomes the big question. In your attempt of trying to find some ground, you come face to face with the ‘real world’, and men, you are in for some form of ‘trans-world’ culture shock.
I am about 5 months in this ‘real world’ and I came up with this list of some of the lessons I have learnt.

Learn to let yourself let go
For someone who likes planning like me, this is a tough one. I like planning. I love it when things go my way , but in life, not everything goes as planned, especially when other people are involved e.g. getting a job in a corrupt countries where, apparently, you need a ‘godfather’.
In the end, to ease the disappointment and oh, the pressure, you are gonna have to learn to do your best, let go, go with the flow and see what happens. It’s much healthier that way.

People actually work!
Laugh at me all you want for not knowing this, but this came as a shocker to me. I watched my mom go to work every morning and most of the time, bring work home but in my imagination, I never thought that what she was doing was working hard. Not until I joined the ‘real world’ and started interacting with the working population while doing my own job search.
To begin with, getting a job is work on its own. You have to learn to write a good resume and make yourself more and more irresistible with each application, make a lot of online applications, drop your resume in all the organizations around you. Then, if you are shortlisted for an interview, you have to prepare like your life depends on it (and it does to some extent).
Same goes if you have decided to venture in to business, be it sole proprietorship or partnership, before you begin realizing some actual profit, you have to work, and extra hard and smart at that.
For those who are lucky enough to have inherited some family business, remember you have competitors, the most conniving ones being your family members, who are eyeing the same position. Therefore, to stay at the top of your game means working extra hard.
It’s all work! Work! Work!

Don’t expect too much from people
Expecting a lot and putting your hope on people is like putting perfectly good eggs in a rotten basket. The basket will give in, the eggs will fall and they will crash, really bad.
Now, if you don’t want to end up hating the entire human race, you included, I would suggest you heed this one.

Failure comes before success
It is said that success introduces you to the real world and failure introduces the world to you. But you know what else failure is; a prerequisite for success.
All the world’s successful people like Equity Bank’s CEO James Mwangi, Microsoft’s Bill Gates etc. had several unsuccessful episodes but that didn’t deter them from succeeding, and you know why? Because they did not give up.
Failure doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough, it just means you have to put in more effort. The trick is to take a little break after each episode, clear your mind and gather your energy before continuing (I mean, you don’t want to end up with a nervous breakdown or depression).
Eventually, you will have a breakthrough; your sweet victory and a very interesting story to accompany that.

You gotta be smart
This is very IMPORTANT! Everywhere you go people will want to use you, take advantage of your knowledge, skills, young mind and energy, eagerness to help and let’s not forget hunger for approval, all at no cost.
Take it from someone who has been a victim, you can’t afford to be naïve! Be discerning. Be smart!

All the BEST out there!

Celebrating my Birthday in ‘Style’.

Photo by me.

Today is my birthday. I am turning 23 which is both exciting and scary. Exciting because, well, who wouldn’t be excited to be alive and scary in the sense that turning 23 takes me a step closer to 30 and if we are being truthful, we all are a little scared of getting old.
Setting that aside, when I tell anyone that today is my birthday, the question that pops up is, and quoting, “How will you be celebrating it?” The general assumption is that I will be in some club partying my way in to a crazy headache and the hangover of this ‘birth year’.
After some reflection, I decided to take a different path and celebrate my birthday asking myself the questions no one has asked me. What have I achieved so far? Are they in line with my goals? If not, why? Can I still achieve my goals? How will I do that? Is there anything else I want to achieve? What is it and how will I do it?
I don’t know how you guys celebrated your birthday or how you are planning to do so, but I do hope that this will act as a helpful guide.
As for me, I just hope that I don’t soak my pillow because of the responses to some of these questions.
Happy Birthday to me and everybody who is celebrating their birthday today!

Surrender.

My mind is clear,
My head feels light
The sensation spreads to my shoulders
and they each,
the right after the left,
fall in to a comfortable position of relaxation.
Then my hands,
one by one,
fall to my sides
and my body
goes ahead
and revel
at the sensual feeling
of
surrender.

DEAR BIG OLD “BIG SNOOZE” ,I AM AFRAID YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO LET ME GO!

DEAR BIG OLD “BIG SNOOZE” ,I AM AFRAID YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO LET ME GO!

photo by me.

Those who have read JEN SINCERO’S book ‘YOU ARE A BAD ASS’, know what I mean by ‘Big Snooze’. Those who haven’t, what are you waiting for? GET yourself a copy!

‘Big Snooze’ as Jen Sincero calls it, is that feeling of inadequacy, that person , that not-so-good-past that can’t seem to set you free , that ingrained subconscious  belief of inferiority that is always trying, NO, that has succeeded in  keeping you right where you are no matter how much you struggle to move forward.

We all struggle with it.

I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to do something that I have always wanted to do, like learning how to play the guitar or singing only to give up after my trainer tells me to cut my nails till they look like they aren’t there anymore or my brothers laugh at me every time I tried to hit a high note.

My latest struggle has been this very blog!

First,for me to even  master the courage to start this blog, it took quite a lot of COURAGE. And now that I am here ,keeping on publishing requires even more COURAGE.

About two days ago, one of my brothers was taking a look at this website and he flat out told me that unless I make this blog about technology, the economy, politics or general current affairs, I won’t get more followers. 

I can’t say that I wasn’t tempted by his suggestion,Or discouraged by his lack of belief in me.Because I was. I want many followers. More and more likes and comments. Every blogger out there does. They motivate us. They keep us racking our brains for the next AWESOME article to post/publish. And yes! Making this blog a technological, economic or political  news or general current affairs forum might just guarantee me that. But at what cost? At the cost of achieving what I set out to achieve through this blog?

So yeah,  I do have less than 20 followers even after I followed myself and I have only hit a total of 20 likes and 6 comments on all my articles. But that doesn’t mean that I am going to trade my goal, which is finding and exploring my voice through writing, for more hits on the follow button, likes and comments.

No, it doesn’t!

Instead ,it has just  given me multiple reasons to publish more articles. Reasons to keep on keeping on. Because in the long run, I am certain I will achieve what  I desire most; recognition for my creativity.

So Dear not-so-big-anymore old ‘Big Snooze’ this is GOODBYE!You have lost this time, I assure you. So just LET ME GO! For good!